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File: 101KiB, 900x700, umbrella.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
448686001 No.448686001 [Reply] [Original]

Do you guys think maybe we should do some research into making bioweapons that don't have giant glowing vulnerable spots?

>> No.448687115

Nah, it's fine. If they break loose on us how else are we going to kill them?

>> No.448687294

who the fuck is buying these multi billion dollar bioweapons that are absolutely uncontrollable

>> No.448687391

Drug cartels?

>> No.448687402
File: 16KiB, 300x441, 1427855504829.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>They cancelled my giant spiders program AGAIN

>> No.448687420
File: 402KiB, 1920x1080, 7AF4D851-4502-4421-B1DC-7A02D425422A.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Guys. I have been thinking lately. The experiments, the cries, the sucides amd the killings, the orphange... guise are WE THE BAD GUYS??

>> No.448687476
File: 7KiB, 250x167, 1534289882647.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

What the fuck kind of retard thinking is that?

>> No.448687558

Same people that stock up on Nuclear wepons.

>> No.448687607
Quoted By: >>448687803


>> No.448687681
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>> No.448687803
Quoted By: >>448687907

No... no of course not. So uh... how's the wife and kids William?

>> No.448687907
Quoted By: >>448688037

Haven't seen them in awhile...

>> No.448688037
File: 3MiB, 1280x720, ????????????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448688041
Quoted By: >>448688282

Anyone else feeling a bit feverish after the potluck? Must've been the tacos I swear.

>> No.448688121
Quoted By: >>448688437

Guess I'll stay in the dorm today, I'm feeling hot and itchy all over

>> No.448688252
Quoted By: >>448706628

Guys Karl fucking bit me, what a psychotic asshole

>> No.448688282
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>> No.448688343
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Quoted By: >>448688558

Fucking spiderfag, all I ever hear is whine whine whine, bitch bitch bitch with you spiderfags. Who cares about your giant spiders? They didn't even let me unleash my attack birds. I spent thousands of hours training them and hundreds of dollars on the highest quality bird food. Now I'm just sitting alone in my lab with dozens of pissed off birds.

>> No.448688437
File: 2MiB, 1280x720, ??????????????????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448688529
Quoted By: >>448688848

What kind of asshole wear sunglasses in a underground lab?

>> No.448688558
File: 3MiB, 500x280, ????????????????????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448688578
Quoted By: >>448688678

Anyone else see that piece of ass that came to me John today? How the fuck did a guy like that get a babe like that? Think he paid for her straight from China?! heh... but godamn though... meanwhile the only chicks around here are more interested in microbes than us guys. Plus the women here wear sandles to the lab...

>> No.448688623

Nobody buys the monsters, they buy the virus. Which is actually kinda even more retarded on Umbrella's part. Selling the product itself would be infinitely more profitable than selling the means of creating your product.

>> No.448688667

XD more daddy more !!! XDXD

>> No.448688678
File: 1MiB, 1280x720, ????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448688758
Quoted By: >>448689564

Why did he just knife it when it fell?

>> No.448688786

Hey guys, I just found my old typewriter. I should probably scrape that thing, not like it will ever be of good use

>> No.448688787

Guys, when do we stop making bioweapons with gigantic eyes? Who's fucking fetish is this?

>> No.448688790

Could you use a trip so I can filter you?

>> No.448688809
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>> No.448688848

Shhhh dont dude. I hear that guy does like... Karate or some shit. Dont let labcoat fool you, that guy is going to work with the cops soon as a fucking captain or some shit. Pretty sure he could snap our shit.

>> No.448688920
File: 1MiB, 1280x720, ??????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448688928

Hey guys did anyone see my black fedora?

>> No.448688939

Don't, I heard they're the secret to immorality.

>> No.448688954
Quoted By: >>448689041

you know who's it anon

>> No.448689041
File: 3MiB, 1280x720, ????????????.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448689060
Quoted By: >>448691961

Umbrella was marketing them as finished products but they were mostly in Alpha/Beta. They were using the consumer to identify bugs in their shitty, half-finished products.

Kind of like game devs.

>> No.448689110
Quoted By: >>448689171

Hey asshole Windows 98 exists, get out of the stone age.

>> No.448689171
File: 316KiB, 740x664, 1548385027084.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448689348


>> No.448689217
File: 801KiB, 320x134, InfamousThirstyBanteng-max-1mb.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>When you can't find a tailor that fits what the financial department budgeted you for

Why the fuck would anyone need a trenchcoat this big? What the fuck are they doing in the R&D department? Why the fuck do we need trenchcoats in the first place?

>> No.448689295

>He doesn't know

>> No.448689345


>> No.448689348
File: 61KiB, 1280x670, 5C0DF3EB-6160-4A01-856E-0BB571E35B15.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

lmao works on my platform

>> No.448689379

No. Now get back to cutting up the brains of unanesthesized teenagers to make the gigantic monster death squads.

>> No.448689413
File: 764KiB, 2833x1720, Apple_I_Computer.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448716237

To be fair, the Umbrella bioweapons in the early games were just prototypes. "look at the cool shit we can do with this technology, imagine what it will do when we perfect it."

They were marketed mostly to people who don't care about them being uncontrollable. They're the perfect tool for Turkey to drop a couple into Kurd populated areas. Great for a dictator in Africa to cut apart the disloyal troops in a certain area. Chechnya giving Russia trouble? Just drop in some hunters.

But, critically, they can be sold to both sides. Are you ISIS and want to kill a bunch of Frenchmen? Why bother with building a dirty bomb when you can buy a single dose of "fill Paris with zombies" Dictator of your country got you down? Put some T virus in his kid's playpen and watch his own family eat him.

When we get to the later games, we see bio-weapons perfected. You can turn a population of civilians into instant, hard to kill guerilla solders who can still use guns and tanks and are ceaselessly loyal.

>> No.448689461
File: 3MiB, 800x450, ??.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448692638


>> No.448689484
Quoted By: >>448689614

Sheena labs have ordered like, 80 of these fucking things. What are they up to? They know something we dont?

>> No.448689493
Quoted By: >>448689601

guys I'm gonna make an insanely slow and big dude that can be taken down with a single rocket whaddya think

>> No.448689564
Quoted By: >>448694590

It's like those Morrowind threads where the guy attacks a mudcrab with a giant hammer even though he has 0 stamina and complains it doesn't die.

>> No.448689601

You just got funded!

>> No.448689614
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Quoted By: >>448692638


>> No.448689684
Quoted By: >>448689760

Have you literally ever played a video game before? This is nothing new, plenty of lighting engines work like this

>> No.448689739

You need to get the red, blue, green jewel and put them on the statue in the main hall

>> No.448689760

>bad things are ok because others do it
If you are older than 6 years old with this logic JYS

>> No.448689816

Guys I need to use the bathroom has anyone seen the number 2 medallion.

>> No.448689847

I work for Umbrella security teams and im apparently told we actually have benefits what are they exactly?

>> No.448689871
Quoted By: >>448689905


>> No.448689905


>> No.448689945

I think you need to reduce the re2 threads by 400%
its a shitty game anyway

>> No.448689990

Free "flu" shot

>> No.448690043
File: 275KiB, 1200x1200, 1512430540868.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


No I fucking don't, otherwise I wouldn't be fucking asking. I also got another order placed in for some leather fucking pants and a coat with like 10 belts. Who the fuck needs a leather coat with 10 belts? Did I mention that one of the sleeves was segmented from the rest?

>> No.448690152

First, you have to find the decoder ring I put in Joe's desk, then you use it to decipher the code for the keypad on the broom closet, where you'll find the platypus key. Just use that on the briefcase over in the corner of the break room, and you'll get the giant cubic zirconia. Slot that into the bathroom door, and you're good.

>> No.448690168

Imagine being on the fiscal management team of Umbrella, trying to explain to tax auditors that 80% of the discretionary budget of the construction department went into the building of elaborate traps, emblem operated door locking mechanisms, and secret bio-weapons development labs.

>> No.448690194

RE 2 is so shit, people's steam accounts were getting banned day 1.

>> No.448690249
Quoted By: >>448690893

All this work on plants and humanoids. Shark zombies are clearly superior for taking control of enemy swimming pools and sewers.

>> No.448690353

Why do we even need a security team? There's no way a virus would get out

>> No.448690354

>new guy doesn't know about the train car shit house

>> No.448690424
Quoted By: >>448691630

C'mon. People didn't really pay money for this....did they?

>> No.448690568
Quoted By: >>448711904

Do you think we could make those licker things calm down by giving them some herbs from lab X-5?
What'd happen if we tried to make the Infiltration Tyrant take some blue herbs?

>> No.448690604

To the dipshit who keeps taking my lunch from the communal fridge: I laced it with a Virus, just in case. Which virus, i hear you ask?

All of them.

>> No.448690893

Eat shit. You're just mad that they funded my alligator project. Why wouldn't you want an apex predator that's amphibious over one that only goes on land or sea?

>> No.448690918

I just wanted to make robots man. Fucking US division, working with fetuses and shit. I gotta book it to Europe. Can't build my robot wife if every time I spill a vial, a dick sprouts out of my forehead. Goddamnit.

>> No.448690926

Fully stocked bars in every facility, a plethora of comfy break rooms to nap in, and the chance to bully some of the world's most brilliant virologists and geneticists are just a few of the fringe benefits offered to Umbrella Security Services personnel!

>> No.448691031


>> No.448691075

Guys, how do I file "illegal genetic experimentation" on a tax form?

>> No.448691078

Alright, who's the faggot who laced the entire fucking fridge with viruses. Now I've got a dick on my lower back, fuck you.

>> No.448691182

Hey guys new scientist here, what biosafety protocols do we need to follow?

>> No.448691198
Quoted By: >>448691571

Alright, so the higher ups rejected my proposal to build a new research facility underneath the pyramids of Giza (again), and it looks like we're setting up shop in the sewers of Paris. Don't worry, we're building a clinic we can use as a front, so you don't have to actually go down into the sewers to get inside.
Unfortunately, while recruitment rates are fairly high, we lose a lot of manpower through on-site "accidents", and so any research or security personnel who has been working at this specific facility for less than two years will be transferred to Paris in the coming weeks. It's been a pleasure working with you, really, but some of you need to get out of here anyway because you end up in the armory half the time you're looking for the smoking room. Get your passports ready, but if you really have issues with this I can forward them to one A. Wesker.

>> No.448691219
Quoted By: >>448691580

Its under research grants.

>> No.448691265


>> No.448691278

Why the fuck can't we be more like a regular company and have ABOVE ground laboratories with a key card access system and proper security checkpoints? Why the fuck did I have to solve puzzles and move statues around if all I want to do is visit the vending machine? I only have a 30 minute break. 15 of it is spent backtracking. It's not like we do anything evil or shady. We make fucking erectile dysfunction pills for fuck sakes.

>> No.448691352
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Quoted By: >>448691693

Okay guys, what If...and i'm just spitballing here...but what if we modified the Tyrant gene to make it female? I can't honestly see that failing commercially. I know of at least three guys who'd order one on the spot. You know, i think i'll take this over to Greg at HR. Wish me luck, k?

>> No.448691378
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Fuck you talking about?

>> No.448691473
File: 3MiB, 406x300, what.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>Our company name is literally Umbrella
>We don't manufacture, design, or research umbrella related technology
Guys I think something funky is going on, I'm contacting the BBB

>> No.448691490

Nah fuck off. Fun allowed.

>> No.448691510

guys its not funny.. give me back my black fedora

>> No.448691513
Quoted By: >>448691824

You're never going to make it at this company with that kind of attitude.

>> No.448691543

IF you’re older than 12 and spamming threads with the same shitty webms then you’re even more pathetic and should KYS immediately.

>> No.448691571
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So it's YOUR fucking fault! Just fund a God damn high rise you mother fuckers. What's with the theatrics?!

>> No.448691580
Quoted By: >>448691816

Can I list a Tyrant as a dependent?

>> No.448691621
Quoted By: >>448691885

Joke's on you, my plan is to contract every virus known to man and survive so that my blood will become a supervaccine.

>> No.448691630
File: 246KiB, 2661x1731, F5CC1CD6-65CF-4C68-9459-39A094E09E89.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Bought it twice. Great game.

>> No.448691693
Quoted By: >>448700276

Sorry, what?
I understood the bio part but that was that added on the end of it?

Most Tyrants are hermaphrodites anyway, but beware. Sea water makes them act... weird in their mutations.

>> No.448691746

Dude, we have Umbrella umbellas in the company gift shop.
You get free bottle of painkillers with them, too.

>> No.448691816

Nah, just use Alexia Wesker.
She's stupidly wealthy and wants to walk again, just say we're working on a cure for paralysis.

>> No.448691824


They're never going to be able tobfure me if they can't access the employee records which are stored underwater with the shark tank experiment.

>> No.448691885

Steve, we've rejecting this plan four times now. We keep telling you, eating mouldy sandwiches from the staff bin is not going to give you hyper-immunisation. Your grant was cancelled, just take the day off and go relax a bit. I hear the Licker zoo needs a new attendant, why not try to get a transfer there?

>> No.448691943
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Guys, what if instead of trying to use uncontrollable monsters as bioweapons, we just invented a regular old disease that we could put in an enemy's grain supply but we could control who would be vaccinated against it. We could make billions and there is a far less chance of an uncontrolled outbreak.

>> No.448691961

>The absolute state of early access

>> No.448692047


>> No.448692049

>we just invented a regular old disease that we could put in an enemy's grain supply
Tom, quit stealing plot lines from Star Trek.

>> No.448692078
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Quoted By: >>448694385

shut up retard, now watch me inject this chimp with the t virus.

>> No.448692119

Lads I plan to turn a sloth into a bio-weapon, think it will work?

>> No.448692194

Small time.
We're all about spectacle here at Umbrella.
Go big, or say hello to the firing squad.

>> No.448692280

Let's get back on track, here. Why aren't we mutating wasps and hornets? They're ripe for this shit.

>> No.448692315

Nice, nice. But what IF we produced unstable, morally ambiguous viruses that are nigh-on uncontrolleable... And gave them to BOTH sides? Nobody's be any wiser as we played both sides against the middle.

Also on the second part of that... Remember the Umbrella statement no. 2: " Outbreak? Nah, that's an "unscheduled stress test of our emergency response team". We haven't ever had an actual outbreak, just live-fire testing.

>> No.448692325

Who of you is the vorefag that came out with the Gamma Hunters? For your sick fetish you made a BOW that cannot stay out of water for too much! Is a failure and a wasted of money!

>> No.448692326

Just give it Monster.
God above knows thats about the same as an injection with T-Phobos anyway.

>> No.448692337

Better inject a sloth and then place it in the wild within a community of sloths.
Only way to test if the virus works.

>> No.448692380

Maybe. The Sloth could have huge scythe-like claws at first, and then mutate to become faster and faster while becoming more and more skeletal. Oh, and let's also inject it with spider DNA so that its scythes are venomous. Oh, and let's also breed poisonous algae into its fur so that it will spread infective spores that will create more zombies.

>> No.448692393

We tried, but we've determined that regular hornets and wasps are already at peak killing power.

>> No.448692608

Guys, I just found a giant ruby. Should I take it to the lost and found or something? I feel like whoever dropped it would know if I took it to a pawn shop.

>> No.448692630


>> No.448692638

i am legitimately concerned with your mental health

>> No.448692754


>> No.448692769
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>> No.448692771

No, you fool!
That's the key to lab 7, it's been missing for a week.

>> No.448692786

Guys, guys, guys, I have an idea.
What if we don't try to kill all of our consumer base?

>> No.448692867
Quoted By: >>448693162

>Forget to pack my lunch the night before
>Go to the cafeteria
>It's "100% organic reclaimed meat monday" again
I think we're taking this whole environmental initiative a little too far, "recycling" our failed experiments seems a little excessive.

>> No.448692884

... report to the testing chambers anon

>> No.448692984
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Quoted By: >>448693087

Better idea: what if we sold our consumer base their own death, and then forced them to pay to be resurrected and killed again?

>> No.448692992


That's almost as stupid as the U.S Government's research into bees and cows.

>> No.448693023
Quoted By: >>448693119

>Better Business Bureau
Are we sure this faggot is an employee and not one of those whiny customers? I say we use him as a guinea pig for the guy experimenting on that tranny virus

>> No.448693070

Hey guys, I'm the auditor from PwC. Can anyone tell me why the fuck you have a shrink expense account for human fucking test subjects?
Also, why do you keep hiring an escape room company to design and build your properties? You wouldn't happen to have an unreported vested interest in said company, and are trying to boost their revenues to make their stock more attractive to investors are you?

>> No.448693087
File: 281KiB, 805x1198, Re5wesker_wallpaper_1600.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

> A. Wesker would like to know your location

>> No.448693119
Quoted By: >>448703170

You mean the virus that turns you into a cute zombie girl? I heard Steve was in charge of development, but nobody's heard from him in a while.

>> No.448693162
Quoted By: >>448693356

Don't knock it until you try it. Hunter is a little gamey, but it's fucking delicious.

>> No.448693210
File: 42KiB, 652x489, HandsUp.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

This is the third time we've been called down into the sewers this week! Hello, anyone down there? I swear to god if it's you kids from the highschool again,

>> No.448693274

Oh fuck, guys!

Hans Blix is coming to inspect our facility!

>> No.448693356

I'm a fan of spider myself.

>> No.448693380
File: 53KiB, 403x403, 1536910666010.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>walking down the hallway after picking up some coffee
>hear stomping
>big fedora fucker shoves me into the wall and gets coffee everywhere
>tips his fedora at Becky from accounting and stomps off

Are you fucking serious when are we going to do something about this guy

Scientists rise up

>> No.448693416
File: 482KiB, 1000x667, giantenemycrab.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

I'm gonna inject the T-Virus into this crab. Think the results are gonna be any good?

>> No.448693480

Oi, was it a black fedora? i am missing one

>> No.448693508
Quoted By: >>448693924

Hey guys, Raccoon Power & Light came knocking again this morning, they want to know why our office building is consuming a third of the city's power grid.

>> No.448693532
Quoted By: >>448693787

Hey guys I lost my green jem can I borrow one of yours?

>> No.448693548

Do it, what's the worst that could happen?

>> No.448693671

I saw that guy eat an entire Licker at lunch. I wouldn't fuck with him if I were you.

>> No.448693770
File: 147KiB, 249x386, 1517856063214.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>make possibly the worst entry in the franchise
>follow it up with 3 quality products that genuinely capture what made the series so beloved in the first place
I'm proud of Capcom. How did they do it?

>> No.448693787

>He lost his rations chip.

>> No.448693797

Gonna whoop the fuckers ass later

>> No.448693924

Didn't you come to the last meeting? You're supposed to redirect anyone from the city to the police chief. Apparently he's pro-business or something and is willing to side with us on a lot of things.

>> No.448693939

There's a dog missing. Should we do anything or no?

>> No.448693953

You know guys, I'm thinking to going to work for Shadowloo. I hear their benefits are great!

>> No.448694036
Quoted By: >>448694935

fuck it, not our problem

>> No.448694058

Ok guys, I have been an employee here for 5-6yrs now and I just have one question, what is it we do exactly?

Everyone is so vague, I literally have no idea what goes on and I just press buttons literally not even knowing what the fuck im doing.

>> No.448694098

Any employee who does this should be fired on the spot. If you're not going to do something else with it - like giving it an ovipositor that it uses to inject is festering larvae or a starfish's regenerative capabilities or even so much as a giant pustule that it uses to launch some sort of infectious substance - then you're really just wasting not just your time, but the company's. And that's indefensible.

>> No.448694118


Keep it that way

>> No.448694207
Quoted By: >>448694331

Fedora guy is pretty based. Gave me his lunch money and let me borrow his hat cause it was raining outside.

>> No.448694236
Quoted By: >>448694935

He’ll come back when he’s hungry.

>> No.448694252
File: 61KiB, 769x743, lookslikequiteanopportunity.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448695034

Hey guys, I applied for pic related job posting. Anyone have pointers for the interview?

>> No.448694331
Quoted By: >>448694456


>> No.448694356

>spiders are too hard to recreate in our remake!
>meanwhile in re1

>> No.448694385


>> No.448694450
File: 420KiB, 900x1164, 2012-02-29-Job-Decryption.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448694456

Oh shit.. uhh, I just bought some stuff from 7/11, I promise I'll bring his cool hat back.

>> No.448694465

Why don't we get into robotics? I mean this bio stuff seems VERY dangerous?

>> No.448694485
Quoted By: >>448694698

So, this is a little akward but I can't seem to solve the new puzzle to access my lab. I can hear that the rihnos I bred and injected are already matured so it would be nice if someone came down to lab 8 asap.

>> No.448694563
Quoted By: >>448694804

You know, that's not a bad idea. We should totally give zombies robotic arms and legs. They'd be much stronger and resistant to damage.

>> No.448694590
File: 1MiB, 1980x1114, defend this morrowfags.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448694619

Damn imagine if the dinosarus were alive, so we could inject them with the T-virus.

>> No.448694637
Quoted By: >>448694785

I get that we wanted the Tyrants we sent to Raccoon City to be 'incognito' but did we really have to put fedoras on them

>> No.448694645
File: 80KiB, 901x1079, Haydee.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

I made this, but some faggot's trying to inject some virus in it. Birkey or Berkley or some dude, I dunno his name started with B.
I'm gonna take it home and fuck it.

>> No.448694698
File: 1MiB, 500x281, 1442865078496.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Better start working on the puzzle that will let you into your cubicle. I want your shit off your desk and out of the office by morning.

>> No.448694704

I don't know, maybe there'd still be a weak point you can attack for massive damage

>> No.448694724
File: 118KiB, 260x347, zb02_st2net.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

You fucking thieves. I'll have your asses you no creativity motherfuckers.

>> No.448694772

Soon anon, soon

>> No.448694785

Are you questioning their fashion choices, asshole?

>> No.448694804
Quoted By: >>448695464


No, no, no. Just robots, no zombies, Tyrants, whatever the fuck Brikin is doing.

>> No.448694813

Well you can thank the higher ups for tha lack of spiders. >>448687402

>> No.448694837
File: 8KiB, 240x240, 1531448184788.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448695337

>We have departments making all sorts of mutated animals, viruses, superhumans, zombies, skincare products etc.
>Meanwhile in security we're supposed to keep this place secure with rusty M16s and standard issue gas masks on a shoestring budget
Fuck you guys you're going to get us all killed. You have no idea how hard it is not to press the base's self destruct button every goddamn second.

>> No.448694891
Quoted By: >>448695031

Hey, some guy in a trenchcoat looks pretty pissed right now. Anyone know this guy's deal? Baldy really should get a hat.

>> No.448694898
Quoted By: >>448695516

I guess you were, too slow

>> No.448694934
File: 563KiB, 1854x2424, Pregnant-full-body.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448695516

I was thinking something more like this. Only, you know, a sloth with infectious algae. It'd be perfect for supporting regular T-Virus zombies.

>> No.448694935

But Ben's been missing ever since it got out and he's usually the one who takes care of shit like this. I don't think this job is safe at all.

>> No.448694983 [DELETED]

We should bring back the dinosaurs.

>> No.448694990
File: 50KiB, 548x546, falco.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448695136

>BOWs are starting to become uncontrolable
>we're loosing researchers at an alarming
>Reminded of what happened in the Spenser mansion outbreak

Hey so yeah I won't be coming in today. I'll be taking an extended vacation for...health concerns. Yeah that's it.

>> No.448695031

I loaned him my umbrella one time, but he couldn't get the damn thing open. I feel really bad for him. He looks sad and lonely all the time.

>> No.448695034

>Anyone have pointers for the interview?
Don't panic, the security team are fine guys.
The aesthetic will wear off five minutes after you wake up.
Most doctors here are very ego-centric, pander to their egos a little.

>> No.448695067

So i spoke with this Birkin guy, he keep saying that his G-virus can keep you young and even mentioned that he wants to use it his own daughter when he finish it. "She will look like a 16 years old at fucking 30!" He said "just like in animes".

>> No.448695084


We did make one. It was called Nemesis. It was fucking great, but we only really got to make the one really work for us before the yanks fucked it all up.

>> No.448695114

You guys asking these questions better shut that shit up real fast. I seen what happened to the last guy who asked "questions". They tunred him into a fusion of blanka and goro fused and dropped him in a random remote area and bombed that shit 30 minutes later all to test out a "cure"

Shut the fuckup and mile

>> No.448695128

>You call that swimming!?

>> No.448695136
Quoted By: >>448695667

Enjoy the Arklay Mountains. I hear they have pretty good skiing up there.

>> No.448695163


>> No.448695279
Quoted By: >>448695436

I keep asking to test out mutated tapeworms on niggers in Africa but am constantly denied. What gives?

>> No.448695313
File: 53KiB, 370x600, 1539657386461.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

What if we infected babies with the T-Virus and had them explode like little suicide bombers?

>> No.448695337
Quoted By: >>448695461

Hmmm, you've got a point actually. Would it make you feel any better if I tried injecting the virus into your M16?

>> No.448695373



>> No.448695386

Can we use the viruses to make women look lik.in animes?

>> No.448695392

So I was looking through the projects files and apparently one of the higher ups wanted to make bioweapon snails or some shit? Like, I really feel like we can spend our time and money on something better than that. Even if its effective they're still fucking snails who the fuck is going to buy that

>> No.448695436

Murrica's CIA has been trying out their own experiments there. Don't worry, management will get Uncle Sam to agree.

>> No.448695460
Quoted By: >>448695581

Anyone seen my keycard?

>> No.448695461

Hey. I got it. A gun that shoots the T-Virus.

>> No.448695464

I'm not seeing how this robot research relates to our study of pharmaceuticals and biology then.

>> No.448695516
File: 21KiB, 400x700, Mr._Caleb_Goldman.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448695672

I'm going to sue your asses into the dirt you blind ingrates. You can't even end the world properly.

>> No.448695525
Quoted By: >>448695670

I've taken the liberty of screen shotting all of the complaints in this thread - alongside the Employee ID Codes of the posters - and am going to submit them to the head office.


>> No.448695581

I just drop mine on the floor or leave it on a table or whatever after I use them once. Not like I ever plan to walk through those doors again

>> No.448695657

Why don't we release a line of alcoholic drinks containing the classic flavour of G & T?
If you know what I mean...

>> No.448695667
File: 948KiB, 200x200, nope.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

No no that's ok. I think I'll go out of town. Someone is going to really fuck up and make Raccoon City a living nightmare one of these days.

>> No.448695670
Quoted By: >>448696484

Give me all your porn and a photocopy of all the ID codes and the key is yours.

>> No.448695672
Quoted By: >>448695787

Hey, hey. We're all on the same team. Just because we got two killer sloths doesn't mean one is competing with the other for funding. So long as they serve different niches/roles, everything's fine.

>> No.448695726

Guys, i keep telling the higher ups that we could make good money if we produce these curious herbs that somehow are better that any medicine in the world but they keep ignoring me.

>> No.448695741

Who the fuck turned DMX into a white tyrant?!!

>> No.448695753

How many times do I have to submit my proposal for an expedition to Spain to find ancient parasites before the higher ups realize that it's a good idea?

>> No.448695787
Quoted By: >>448695890

Lets just have them fight each other

>> No.448695790

Has anyone seen Wesker lately? Can he explain to me why keycards keep getting re-purposed for the Raccoon City Police Department, or why they're placed in those.. fucking, musical little safe things? God
shit fuck

Who makes these things?!

>> No.448695797

Okay, so I just got back from security detail and I gotta ask a question. Why is it that, like, twenty of ours guys got their shit kicked in but a rookie cop on his first day survives our most deadly bioweapons? What kinda training budget does a local police department have that we don't?

>> No.448695890
Quoted By: >>448696004

Or sell one to the Americans and the other to the Russians/Chinese. Then they fight each other AND we make a profit.

>> No.448695893

He says he wants "complete musical saturation". Says the city folk have shit taste in music. I don't get it either.

>> No.448695916
Quoted By: >>448696320

Hey guys, can we not leave or something?

I tried to give my two weeks notice and they threatened to buttfuck me with those monster with the long tongues. I don't think my ass can take getting blowed out by one of those things

I don't feel safe. Send help

>> No.448695958
Quoted By: >>448696221

Maybe he's one of the 10% immune to the T virus

>> No.448696004

NOW thats a great idea, you just got promoted anon

>> No.448696035

>Who makes these things?!
Apparently the design is outsourced to a company in China. misinterpretation of the boards indented designs for the facilities

>> No.448696117

That cop was getting all kinds of fat overtime cash and medical benefits, we basically pay our guys in gum and hope they remember which end of the gun the bullets come out of.

>> No.448696185

Guys, I swear to god I saw a giant block of tofu running around the visitor area. Doctor says I've just been working too many long nights but I know what I saw.

>> No.448696221

Yeah, but that doesn't explain how the fuck he survived and so many of us don't. Like, fuck man. I've seen boys with years of combat training get killed by our own zombies and ONE cop with a busted ass pistol no one uses survives it all? I call some serious bullshit.

>> No.448696239

We only really trained like one guy, the one who always lives through missions? Bunk or whatever. Had to cut costs so we could only afford to train him. The rest are unpaid interns

>> No.448696320

Are you another university grad who jumped at the chance to work for us but didn't read your contract? You have to work at least five years before they consider your resignation, you're just bothering the guys in HR.

>> No.448696330

Guys I successfully combined the T-Virus with Gonorrhea.
Instead of being aggressive in a violent way the subjects are aggressive rapists.

Watching a room full of zombies gang rape a women oddly loses it's charm and when the lickers are involved it gets kind of fucked up.
Race oddly plays a strange factor as well, when introduced to a Japanese person or Arab I noticed no changes.

>> No.448696351

Security here, how shoot gun?

>> No.448696381

Everyone keeps telling me that this Wesker person is intimidating, but if you ask me, she's just a pathetic spinster who quotes old poetry to sound smart. I wouldn't be surpised if she had a bunch of cats and called them her children.

>> No.448696425
File: 2MiB, 2000x2550, __original_drawn_by_devy__e9a947e76270c6db93da7434459e5e06.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

You've just been working too hard. Why not come to my lab and check out the new supersoldier prototype I've been working on. She's infected with so many viruses that nobody can even be in the same room as her without turning into a gibbering mass of flesh, but she's adorable as a button and as strong as ten HUNKs.

>> No.448696460
File: 174KiB, 462x2809, DELICIOUS CANDY.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448696462

I believe you anon. That's why I have this syringe in my hand. Don't worry, you'll have a nice rest once I inject this. You've been working pretty hard.

>> No.448696484

You can have my DICK after I'm done smearing it in Birkin's new toy.

>> No.448696501

Guys I sent a Tyrant on a mission to find the female orgasm, it has been six months without any reports back.

>> No.448696657
Quoted By: >>448697048

Heehehe dude seems like someone smoked too much red weed.

>> No.448696798

Fucking Hell. I knew that Umbrella was recruiting the worst. I told them not to cut costs on manpower. But noooooooo. We never listen to one of the few guys who survives our operations. Fucking amateurs. Why do I still work here?

>> No.448696825

Thats coming out of your paycheck just so you know

>> No.448696901
Quoted By: >>448697240

Because we know what you fap to. Do you want everyone else to know too?

>> No.448696904

Try sending another one but give it a rocket launcher, that always helps.

>> No.448696915

...I have a paycheck?

>> No.448696969

You used to.

>> No.448696987
Quoted By: >>448697083

Yes, it has many zeros

>> No.448697007

>Thats coming out of your paycheck
Nigga we get paid?

>> No.448697017
Quoted By: >>448697240

>Why do I still work here?
Do you wanna know what happaned to John after he handed in his resignation?

>> No.448697048

Nah man, tofu is a yellow herb trip.
Trust me, I've put years of "research" into it.

>> No.448697064
File: 24KiB, 698x724, 1548704912144.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>game comes out
Never change, /v/

>> No.448697083
Quoted By: >>448697235

And yet not a single number over. Sounds like empty to me.

>> No.448697234
Quoted By: >>448697308

Guys who ever keeps changing my formula that causes all my experiments to sprouts penises all over their bodies, please stop it.

>> No.448697235


>> No.448697240

I fucking knew that porn wasn't free!
...Y'know, nevermind. I know why I still work here.

>> No.448697308


>> No.448697551

God damn it my knees have penises. Who is responsible for this.

>> No.448697605

HR at USS here. I'm going to be honest, only 10% of hires are combat ready. The other 90% are meant to be meat shields for them.

>> No.448697627

Sometimes they give me tokens for the coke machine.

>> No.448697696
Quoted By: >>448698067

Are they expensive meat shields?

>> No.448697801

Yeah but that 10% of combat ready people have like maybe three people that are competent.
Only fucking one has done more than five missions.

>> No.448697805

Guys, what if instead of all these monsters we create a strain of virus that can actually infect a protagonist?

>> No.448697868

I've seen not one paycheck. My wife has left me and put me on child support for a child that isn't even mine as said child was conceived while I was here working for you dumbfucks for free. I am in debt and possibly seeing jail time even if I leave here

>Security here, how shoot gun?
Is this where our money is going? To these incompetent dumbfucks you hire? Have we even successfully completed one mission that doesn't involve that whore in the red dress?

>> No.448697992
Quoted By: >>448698247

You think the hazmat crew is gonna be fine in there?

>> No.448697996
Quoted By: >>448698168

Ehehehe i just spread a penis growing virus on the cafeteria soon enough suzy our secretary wil be a futa ehehe

>> No.448698067

Not really. We say we give them a $100k signing bonus, but they never live long enough to actually receive it. If they do, we just offer them some "all expenses paid training" at Rockfort Island.

>> No.448698073

>We never listen to one of the few guys who survives our operations
You mean the one guy?

>> No.448698124

Okay, so... why do you hire the meat shields? Are they cheaper or some shit? I can't rely on these guys in the field at all.

>> No.448698128

You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded dude

>> No.448698163

Why would we want to infect ourselves?

>> No.448698168


>> No.448698173

FUCK YOU, Ill fucking get you for this.
I was showing off my new licker prototype to some Umbrella execs and instead of a tongue has a Penis.
Now here I am on burning zombie duty and Jenny keeps laughing about my "Dicker" project.

>> No.448698247
Quoted By: >>448698425

Of course, their hazmat suits are top of the line, even have newly designed holes so they can breath fresh air

>> No.448698348

Hehehe. Dicker.

>> No.448698421
File: 171KiB, 375x375, 14_KARAT_GOLD.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448698425

This explains why the gas masks my squad was issued with seem worthless.

>> No.448698474


>> No.448698490
File: 12KiB, 192x156, 1519755713871.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]


>> No.448698497

Oddly enough the Dicker was actually hugely successful at the showcase for the Arab open warfare community.

>> No.448698538
File: 178KiB, 300x225, rad popcorn.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Hey guys my popcorn looks kind of funny

>> No.448698659
Quoted By: >>448699000

>Want to use the bathroom
>Forgot the three gems to unlock the door
Has this happened to anyone else before?

>> No.448698660

3 or 4 pistol rounds would've taken his leg off. 1 shotgun round would've blown his head apart. Git gud

>> No.448698683
Quoted By: >>448698797

Guys I might as well come clean and tell you I been fucking these zombies.

Illegal? Maybe. Satisfying? Yes.

>> No.448698702

Don’t worry, we’re sending the chink in the red dress to deal with it them.

>> No.448698724

Lab results are back and the water's been contaminated with the T virus. It's only a matter of time before the populace is infected. I'm out before it's too late.

>> No.448698746

Oh my I wonder what would happen if I go down there all naked.

>> No.448698768

Dr Johnson we really appreciate your enthusiasm but a virus that only infects the jews is not an image Umbrella would like to have or endorse.

>> No.448698797

Nothing is illegal here anon

>> No.448698850

Atleast you had your chance steve

>> No.448698878

Oh, I heard about that. Thought the Dicker thing was just a few senior staff having a go at me as the new guy, but today I got an all-staff email from Mr. Spencer himself voicing support for the D-Virus.

>> No.448698926
File: 242KiB, 486x600, 1548721356726.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>t. Umbrella board of directors

>> No.448698949
Quoted By: >>448699327

Okay but what about blacks?

>> No.448699000

Dude, even when you get the gems, you gotta line up these insignia's to make this umbrella logo and then once you get pass that you get to the laser room and thats where i said fuck it and just shit my pants right there

>> No.448699040

Guys, i found some documents talking about a base in the fucking Antarctica and something called "Veronica", any idea what is this?

>> No.448699123
Quoted By: >>448700243

J.D. apparently had a bad break-up and named his new virus after his girlfriend.
Donno what it does.

>> No.448699145

So guys I went down to the zombie pens and uhhh some of them are pregnant. As in they weren't pregnant before they became zombies. What the FUCK have the eggheads down there been doing?

>> No.448699191

uhhhhhhhhhhh you weren't spouse to read that

>> No.448699195

A mistake. Lets pretend it doesnt exist. Now help me with these fucking plants I swear they are looking at me.

>> No.448699251

Just some weird tranny they sent up there to avoid the EEO backlash for firing xir

>> No.448699254
Quoted By: >>448699735

Hey guys I'm thinking about getting T-Virused and being like Krauser and Wesker but I need to know if I can keep my dick. Do I get to keep my dick?

>> No.448699264

Green herb is a helluva drug

>> No.448699267

First the dicker shit and now you fuck with my love life.
I am injecting myself with my new virus and killing all you fucks.
Jenny comes all sorry about the dicker thing while I am burning zombies and she is suddenly all over me.
We go to a safe, lock the door and a fucking 3 foot tentacle dicks slides out of her pussy.

Bitch laughs and says I guess I am the dicker now.

>> No.448699301

Making more zombies, duh

>> No.448699312

But then how will our highly trained agents neutralise them on the field when we reclaim the territory after enemy rout?

>> No.448699323
Quoted By: >>448699472

I knew streaming that "Zombieland Saga" anime at the installations was a bad idea!

>> No.448699327


why not insects and poo's? solve the population issue in one swoop

>> No.448699360

GUYS remember to shove the secret documents back into the ceiling lights once your done with them.
We don't want them laying around for people to fucking find.

>> No.448699380

Yeah I met the guy in charge of that, his twin sister gave me a HJ in the bathroom, was hot as hell.

>> No.448699390

is this dead by daylight?

>> No.448699408

Quick question lads, how much does our janitor make?

>> No.448699426 [SPOILER]
File: 6KiB, 350x250, 1404763316543.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448699641

Hey guys, Sales Dept. here. I found a brand new client. They seem like a big spender.

What could possible go wrong?

>> No.448699472

Best idea*
Thank you George.

>> No.448699513

But that can't be...his sister has been missing for years.

>> No.448699571

Imagine paying billions for a retarded gorilla

>> No.448699615

Oh, we just have a Tyrant for that. Word of advice, dont step in his dirt pile.

>> No.448699624
Quoted By: >>448699776

We pay them?

>> No.448699641

Odds are they'll need to be nuked.. or they might just do it themselves. Sounds like free money to me.

>> No.448699679

Hey, don't let upper management know, but I gave the T-00 a fedora. I saw the trench coat and I really couldn't resist. He seems to really like it too, the fucking loser

>> No.448699735

Of course. In fact youll get three more dicks!

>> No.448699776


>> No.448699787
Quoted By: >>448700005

I am pretty sure James is a Zombie, he has been walking slowly and growling to himself.

>> No.448699837

I was just bitten by a zombie, but this post made everything better.

>> No.448699881

I know the guys in the sales department get commissions.

>> No.448699884

I got paid, but they said I had to inject myself with some green shit for it

>> No.448699985
Quoted By: >>448700309

What if we injected the T-Virus into a nuclear warhead?

>> No.448700005

I thought that was ketchup all over his mouth, neck and chest. Ah shit.

>> No.448700034
Quoted By: >>448700092

Hey has anyone checked the dog kennels lately? I was going over an expense report and found some pet licenses for some purebred chihuahuas.

>> No.448700092


>> No.448700243
File: 98KiB, 1280x704, heathers_0146.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

I like you anon

>> No.448700276
Quoted By: >>448701089

And how would you know that Kevin?

>> No.448700309

Don't, the gardens are an indicator of why that is a terrible idea.

>> No.448700424
File: 125KiB, 1024x768, The super gun.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Kinetic weapons development here, what do you think of our latest and greatest gift to the security forces?

>> No.448700447

Guys listen! Fucking listen to me! I got an idea. The M virus. It makes people into super contrarians who create youtube channels and try really hard to convince others to hate things.

>> No.448700494

Very funny, assholes. Who taped the dicker to the fridge? Where the hell is the janitor?

>> No.448700643

Considering most of them are retards, its perfect

>> No.448700667

Hey has anyone seen a note containing my safe combination? Also I promise I will clean up the flamethrower fuel tanks as soon as I can store them in 1 place again

>> No.448700902
File: 97KiB, 330x330, 595F74FD-D756-4957-9F0A-C26C4A571166.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448701108

Soooo, we made a few dozen of these things; they’re not really practical for anything, and we don’t know what to do with them. Should we just stick them in the lab basement?

>> No.448700926

We have a non biological weapons department? Come to think, i found a document from 1983 were someone called "Alexander" detailed plans to create some weapon he called "linear launcher", if seems it can shot a spark of pure plasma that burns shit to the DNA. There is also a note saying "if she snaps, only this can stop her".

>> No.448700953
File: 9KiB, 480x360, gay-af.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448701271

Dude who the fuck is Chris?

I went into some gay ass hidden door and there's just multiple homosexual photos of some large gay man in gay as fuck poses and positions?

And I know what youre gonna say, "stop lying" but I have proof with this poorly made photoshop i took from the room

I need answers

>> No.448701069
File: 676KiB, 1000x666, meat-grinder-02.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448701206

Will you guys in sanitation please stop trying to clean up the hallway behind my bookcase? It's really important to testing, and I also keep all my herbs and grenade launcher rounds there. Thanks!

>> No.448701089
Quoted By: >>448702738

Bruh, do you have any idea how much the BDSM community pays to "rent" Tyrants?
We're making bank over here in the department of tissue development.

>> No.448701108

Don't we use them for the annual Halloween party? I remember last year when those thots in accounting got scared shitless by them.

>> No.448701206

Don't get paid enough to do that... or at all

>> No.448701214
File: 48KiB, 358x353, ecksdee.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448701403


nigga I want to see you try and hold a giant spider while cameras take 360 pictures of it

>> No.448701271

Ah, you've found Al's secret room.
Yeah, apparently this Chris dude is hot shit and was even an air force pilot for a little while.
Anyway, when he left the military he joined the R.P.D. unit S.T.A.R.S. and Al fell hard and fast.
Remember the Arklay Mansion incident? That was Al's attempt at a first date.

>> No.448701403
Quoted By: >>448708521

Why not use a model spider instead?

>> No.448701629
Quoted By: >>448701987

I don't want to stick around for his definition of "foreplay". Or maybe I do, maybe I should wire a camera up in that secret room.

>> No.448701690

GUYS I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA! What if we laced Green Herb with the T-virus?

>> No.448701759
File: 526KiB, 752x755, 1546186889171.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448702472

>visit the security office to pick up my new keycard
>have a look around
>entire security arsenal is 2 unloaded pistols, a broken fork and a very sharp piece of celery

>> No.448701835
Quoted By: >>448703332

>big hat and coat guy stumbles up to me
>holds up a piece of paper that just reads 'train'
>point nervously towards the direction of the nearest metro stop
>he gives me the smallest sliver of a smile
I think my soul was just purified.

>> No.448701980

Guys did anyone lose a red gemstone? I heard someone got locked out of the breakroom on f1 the other day, if you lost your red eye shaped gem stone meet me by the animatronic tiger statue

>> No.448701987

Get in line, he got wise and relocated all the really good shit to somewhere in Africa.
We've sent H.U.N.K. to look into it but so far? No response.

>> No.448702048

Why are our computer passwords limited to three characters? There was a fight in the breakroom over who gets ASS as their password.

>> No.448702051

A fucking 4 foot tall spider just brushed by me on the way to the lab, where did you faggots put those blue herbs? I'm not putting up with this bullshit anymore.

>> No.448702052

I just had the greatest idea, why dont we inject some t viruz in a flan and a t-bone?

>> No.448702063
File: 49KiB, 990x682, 1522930338257.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Who's the asshole behind the whole development of C-virus? I got a fucking complaint to file

>> No.448702161
Quoted By: >>448705968

Uhh, guys? Is it just me, or are the plants in lab 4 growing a tad too quick?

>> No.448702196
Quoted By: >>448702705

Lemme get this straight

We are hard at work, working 24hrs a day, not getting paid and barely being fed to fund some insane gay guys dream of sucking his boyfriends dick?

>> No.448702225

Didn't Wesker win that fight?

>> No.448702268

Buying? Nobody. It's all being stolen like a game of H-potato.

>> No.448702426
File: 85KiB, 1280x720, my food.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448703541


>> No.448702459

Whoever ratted me out to corporate that I was the one who cut off the cadaver's penis and stuck it out my pant leg is a faggot.

>> No.448702472

Hey, that piece of celery has saved my life on more than one occasion.

>> No.448702476
Quoted By: >>448703006

The fucking giant snake got loose again, anyone got a spare jar of serum laying around!

>> No.448702520

Why is HUNK such a hunk?

>> No.448702645

Nobody is creative these days.
I was the only one who went with FUK.

>> No.448702705

Pretty much.

>> No.448702738

Do those guys even grasp the concept of a safeword?!

>> No.448702808

Mine was CUM but I have to change it because Johnathan fucking guessed it and I lost all my shit. That's the last time I let him suck my dick.

>> No.448702838
File: 14KiB, 261x216, memeguyholding_teacupwithfeet.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448703093

Ok everyone, I requested this emergency meeting and I know I maybe stepping out oof bounds with this as I am only the janitor but hear me out.

Alright so we have been failed multiple times with the regular zombie stuff, right? Alright, what if we make zombies and put them in space?

>> No.448702887

What we need to do is mutate bees. THEN we have all three types as unkillable killing machines

>> No.448702896

Guys I've been doing research on all these plants we have in the lab and they have uncanny healing properties. I just shot my dick with a shotgun and ate one of those plants and it grew right back. Do they higher ups know about this? We could jsut start selling these plants and make trillions curing wounds and diseases

>> No.448703006

I have a jar, but it's hidden behind a wall that requires Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata to open. Also I fucked it up and the notes are wrong so good luck guessing that shit.

>> No.448703078
Quoted By: >>448703542

>Curing diseases

>> No.448703093

We don't want another Ishimura incident you nig

>> No.448703117
Quoted By: >>448703542

Why the fuck would we want to cure diseases? How would we sell our BOWs then?

>> No.448703120
Quoted By: >>448703541

Has anyone seen my billion dollar bioweapon?

Some idiot left the lab door open again

>> No.448703170
Quoted By: >>448703295

Someone should check I keep hearing one male moaning while there are multiple female moans. He also hasn't left his office for a week and has his assistant deliver all his meals to his door and walk away. No one's been able to see what he's doing.

>> No.448703193
File: 437KiB, 478x666, 1547063032804.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Hey, I keep getting this email about OSHA compliance regarding the guardrails above our illegal human experimentation facilities. Should I comply, or trash the emails? They're threatening to close off the whole area, and that'd really block the good view we get of zombies tearing hobos to shreds.

>> No.448703295
Quoted By: >>448706319

He has like ten secretaries too. They're pretty cute, but there's something really off about them at the same time.

>> No.448703332



>> No.448703480
File: 3MiB, 294x227, 1548128141782.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448703678

Does the first aid spray work on venereal diseases? I just got back from a work conference at Umbrella Spain and I caught myself a moldy STD.

>> No.448703540
File: 1MiB, 320x198, waterbear.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Okay, hear me out here: we infect tardigrades with the T-Virus.

>> No.448703541

Umm anon...

>> No.448703542

This is concerning. Experiment logs show that upon consuming one green plant the T-Virus is purged from the subject. What the fuck do we do with these fucking plants they're all over the place!

>> No.448703570
Quoted By: >>448704132

Who is funding this place?

Have anyone else been keeping up with the amount of times we have failed? Where do we keep getting this money to build these over expensive equipment that never work?

>> No.448703580
File: 16KiB, 250x309, Let's all go out for some frosty chocolate milshakes.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>secretly order a box with gas masks, gloves and suits
>finally it arrives
>is full of trenchcoat and sunglasses

Fuck you Wesker I know it was you, you are the only guy around here who works wearing glasses, you don't look cool. You look ready to shoot up a school.

>> No.448703583

vacation days

>> No.448703678
File: 2MiB, 354x404, rXtcnOu.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

You motherfucker.

>> No.448703691


>> No.448703693
Quoted By: >>448704340

Anyone have the three ornate bronze plates you need to open the men's room?

>> No.448703792


>> No.448703872

Honestly Umbrella is really interesting lore wise. I can see why Capcom is trying to go back into it as them as the fore front, but I think the damage is done

>> No.448703881

I don't know about you, but I'm stealing as many office supplies as I can fit in my car before shit hits the fan.

>> No.448703890

Why not just stop at Mr X? Those worked, I mean they did their job and we could control them, why bother making more shit we don't need, did we even try selling them?

>> No.448704132

Disaster insurance.

>> No.448704183
Quoted By: >>448704265

I just came up with the greatest idea ever.
What if we injected the puzzles with the T-virus?

>> No.448704212

>he didn't sell months ago

>> No.448704218

didn't the army kill all of the remaining Mr X models?

>> No.448704265

>solve a puzzle wrong
>get a shot of T-Virus

>> No.448704269
Quoted By: >>448706257

Mr. X can't kill anything that can jog.

>> No.448704318

Want to destroy enemy country major cities? Drop T-virus infected rats into the city and wait.

>> No.448704335
Quoted By: >>448704761

Guys does anyone remember which chess piece I need to get into the level 3 bathroom? Was it he knight?

>> No.448704340

Do you happen to have any of the 4 marble balls with different animals carved onto them that you need to open the front door? I'll trade you

I've been trying to go on vacation for 2 months now but I can't leave

>> No.448704357
Quoted By: >>448705024

Financial Department here. Apparently we are getting sued out of our asses and SEC has opened an investigation apparently public companies can't withhold information from investors about having a massive network of secret facilities that mass produce genetic monstorsities who would've thunk?

>> No.448704385

Bro it needs to find the clitoris if you want to find the orgasm. Do you know nothing about convoluted puzzles?

>> No.448704578

Me and the lads from security are heading to Kendo's to check out some new stocks. You science boys want anything on the way there?

>> No.448704627

Has anybody ever met that one security fella they call the "grim reaper"? Everybody talks about how cool he is but this shit is kind of unnerving. His whole reputation is being the only survivor! What the hell man, what kind of missions do those guys get sent on where 90% don't come back? How do they hire these guys into these positions with these crazy mortality rates? Does anybody even check up on those guys to see if they are alright morale wise?

>> No.448704757
File: 24KiB, 390x390, c89bff1b9a549330cd9123b7658a4fff.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Guys I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She contracted some STD (I'm clean, did a scan this morning) and now she won't come down off the ceiling. Advice?

>> No.448704761

>not pissing in the vials and shitting in the vases

>> No.448704813

Hey uh, some dude in a school shooter red trench coat and big ass sword is at the front door, he's saying his name is dante. Should I let him in?

>> No.448704826

She doesn't have an STD. She's obviously just training to be a pole dancer. You're one lucky guy.

>> No.448704950

Don't, he's some loony who thinks our test subjects are "demons" and that he's a "demon hunter". Just call the cops on him, he's just some crazy vandal.

>> No.448704990

Bro, I think you got a ghost HJ. You're fucked unless you said WOO WOO. She's going to haunt you for life, then you get ghost raped. It's what happened to Johnny, he's never been the same after that.

>> No.448705024

I get not wanting to keep all your eggs in one basket, but anyone else feel like whatever money comes in is used to build more facilities and hire more people while the old scientists are killed and the facilities burned.

Is it some kind of insurance fraud?

>> No.448705052

He's cool bro, he's just here for the pizza party we're throwing in maintenance. Before you ask, no you aren't invited

>> No.448705102

>Wanting to break up with a girl who can give you an honest to god tongue job
Wife her anon

>> No.448705162

So I just caught Wesker practicing one of his speeches in the bathroom mirror, and he was just saying the phrase "COMPLETE GLOBAL SATURATION" over and over in various ways and accents. I'm kinda getting worried. Is he okay?

I mean, I think it's a pretty cool phrase. It'll be great at the next stockholder meeting. What's he so concerned about?

>> No.448705290
Quoted By: >>448705474

I have been away since Tuesday, why is everyone scratching himself constantly now?

>> No.448705302

I'm seething right now. Some prick that looks like he was in Top Gun came by my lab and gave me attitude about the dogs. Who is this fucking asshole? He was wearing sunglasses inside by the way. What a smarmy fuck.

>> No.448705306

He keeps mixing us up with the local pizza joint across the street from our 5th Ave entry lift. someone get the suits on the line, we need to file a CND on their logo

>> No.448705474

There's a lice infestation going around. And the lice are infected with, you guessed it... AIDS

>> No.448705492

When I got my job I asked if instead of money I could get paid in anime figures and DVDs, they were pretty happy with that. Something about how since I had no living family this was super cheap or something. I don't really know, all I know is I get full seasons of Precure here and it's doing wonders for my magical zombie girl project. We'll soon have cute zombies that can use knives. I just hope Jim doesn't try and fuck them again. He almost lost his dick the last time.

>> No.448705554

Did he try it with a flirty accent?

I caught him doing the same thing a while back, but he was trying different ways of saying "Chris"

Might be practising for a confession or something

>> No.448705570

Alright guys, injecting people and animals with is getting stale. Profits are down and frankly, I'm just not seeing enough mass murder overall.
Any ideas?

>> No.448705634

Fuck it lets inject the T-virus with more T-virus and see that happens.

>> No.448705671

DON'T TALK TO HIM. last time I asked why he insisted on wearing sunglasses indoors I woke up in waste disposal about to be fucking incinerated. when I got back to my office it was trashed with "Fuck with the Wesk. Die like the rest" scrawled on my window

>> No.448705802

What if we inject the T-virus into the G-Virus and inject that virus into the plagas and then inject them into the C virus?

>> No.448705869

We take the zombies and put them in space. Earth is a dead dream, we need to diversify and expand our horizon. There are no laws in space so were good

>> No.448705873

Inject people WITH animals

>> No.448705910


>> No.448705968

Just your imagination bro. It's the wonders of nature or some shit. Don't think to hard about it.

>> No.448706095

Injecting with what? Are you ok scientist#223? Do you need a trip to the basem- the infirmary?

>> No.448706165
File: 126KiB, 911x615, 1447746987579.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Do we have the technology to create a perfect gf yet?

>> No.448706183

Have we tried injecting the T-virus into bacteria?

>> No.448706257
Quoted By: >>448706443

I didn't spent 3 years of my fucking life working on those fucking things just for some anonymous intern to insult them

>> No.448706291

Guys Mathews just injected the G virus into his dick and his dick grew by like 7 meters and sprouted tentacles and edged weapons is there any way we can monetize this? Maybe if we just inject a little bit of G virus we can keep the Massive Dick growth but not the knives and Tentacles?

>> No.448706319

Odd, but they are really cute, I'm thinking of asking the cute brunette out to lunch but not sure if I should. What do you think guys?

>> No.448706443

The busting through walls things is nice, but can we at least give him a gun or something so he's actually a threat from a distance?

>> No.448706519

I saw some dude with a yellow shirt knife her to death with a cool 4 hits combo.

>> No.448706628

Bit him back skdssssmsthat asshole

>> No.448706683
Quoted By: >>448706948

Whose idea was it to give Lickers anus'?

>> No.448706948

Blame Paul, he's into butt stuff or something.

>> No.448707435
File: 37KiB, 461x243, 2B0D76A3-667A-4F38-A2EE-B68714DC528C.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Salutations fellow humans. I would like to apply for workings here.

>> No.448707893
File: 193KiB, 1024x755, imgs_touch(2).jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Check the duffel bag in the locker room.

>> No.448708023

Ok can someone get the construction department on the phone? Why the FUCK is there a self destruct mechanism in every single goddamn base? We spend billions on these fucking bio weapons and every single time some asshole or disgruntled former employee just blows the fucking base up

>> No.448708097

How bout we sew animals onto people AND THEN inject them?

>> No.448708159

Guys, what is this "Nyx" thing?

>> No.448708242

We get a free Frogurt every other Monday

>> No.448708314
File: 21KiB, 595x375, racooncitysilenthill.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Hey this is Terry. I'm a new hire and I got a bit lost. I'm at two signs, one says 'Resident Evil' and the other says 'Silent Hill'. Do you guys think you can help me out and tell me which direction to take?

>> No.448708468

Just be yourself bro

>> No.448708521


fashon model spiders are high profile anon they require high maintenance and salary can't afford that shit

>> No.448708581
File: 42KiB, 672x702, fat albert wesker.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Global heyturation soon

>> No.448708601

Wait a few hours and go through raccoon city

>> No.448708910
File: 57KiB, 600x574, 1490646542982.jpg [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

>play PC version
>detects controller input
>retreats to give the player time to prepare and compensate the janky inferior control scheme
You gotta admit, this is pretty amazing detail to focus on the little stuff like that.

>> No.448708991

hey guys I think I just saw that Birkin dude with like 10 bullet holes in him. should I be concerned?

>> No.448709048
File: 724B, 246x184, 1524172492214.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Uh, guys... says here I'm being transferred to...
Rockfort Island...? The fuck is that? Is it nice?

>> No.448709117

How about we inject the T-virus into mosquitoes? Have we tried that?

>> No.448709663
Quoted By: >>448710219

>Racoon City
>Coon City
Is that near Detroit?

>> No.448710075
Quoted By: >>448710270

This ain't your college lab rookie, now grab me a beer from the fridge will ya, it's by the T-Virus samples

>> No.448710219

If it was Coon city, the zombies would've all been eaten, Umbrella would've been looted, and people would be chimping out and eating the marines as well. It's in Umbrella's best interest to back the fuck away from that city.
Combat data would be too chaotic to be useful. But hey, if you want gladiatorial matches where 1 Tyrant tries to take down a hundred thousand hood niggas, be my guest.

>> No.448710270

Actually the samples and chocolate switched places because Joe couldn't fit the chocolate back in properly. I just hope no one took them thinking they were sodas.

>> No.448710703
File: 862KiB, 500x495, 1492648717046.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

This is Coldpin, Delta team here. We're waiting for Alpha team to clean up Nest and things considerably worse. I'm seeing infected STARS members wondering the police department. One of them seems to be resilient and really durable, recon identified one in a yellow uniform, "Brad." He's single handedly eliminated 4 RPD officers. Permission to deploy our recon Tyrant? The one in the trenchcoat.

>> No.448710704

Hey guys, uh, this fedora guy followed me home. I think he wants to crash for a while. Is it okay if he stays for a while? You know how things are in the news, what with Raccoon City and all that stuff.

>> No.448710934

Would anyone like to volunteer to help me fix the deadly laser cutting hallway?

>> No.448711225
Quoted By: >>448711640

This is administration, can all available agents in Raccoon City just tell me how many fucking recon Tyrants did Nest deploy? I'm reading the thread and there's at least numerous reports of the same creepy fuck let loose.
Already tested. We have an early build set up in rural Spain. Location classified.

>> No.448711270

Have you tried combining it with everything in sight? Usually works for me

>> No.448711361

Who the fuck signed off on $800,000 worth of pesticide. What the hell is the Mansion lab even doing? Fighting the Viet Cong?

>> No.448711585
Quoted By: >>448711740

itchy... t..ast..y

>> No.448711640
Quoted By: >>448712858

I think like 6 maybe 8. Did we even have that many? Eh, probably best not to think about it.

>> No.448711643
Quoted By: >>448711693

This is the last straw, who took Goldie from my desk's fishbowl? I told you guys three goddamn times NOT to experiment on the pet fish, he's family!

>> No.448711693

He’ll be fiiiiiine

>> No.448711740

Sam we told you before, Stop pretending to be a zombie on the chat, it's not amusing to any one.

>> No.448711752

I'm locking up my desk and hiding the key in the aquarium, that'll teach you to touch my things, asshole.

>> No.448711904

What if we inject t-virus into some dank shit?
I'm a genius.

>> No.448712118
Quoted By: >>448712858

Have you guys tried smoking those healing herbs lying around everywhere? We should just hotbox one of the labs for shits and giggles.

>> No.448712382
Quoted By: >>448712858

I found a fedora and gave it to a tyrant for shit and giggles, they're deploying it now and they haven't noticed.

>> No.448712702

We already tried moths and that didn't work. They just laid eggs in the tests subjects, it was hotter than I thought, however.

>> No.448712768
Quoted By: >>448712919

Wait a fucking second are we supposed to be getting hazard pay?

>> No.448712858
Quoted By: >>448713118


I fucking did. Our UAV feeds are picking up a numerous amounts of single entity HVTs literally bringing down helicopters by throwing debris and people at it.

Those aren't medicinal herbs. Those were probably Gilbert's ferns he left before fleeing the lab.

>> No.448712919
Quoted By: >>448713352

No, not unless you get payed in anime DVDs. They don't like actual money floating around except for lose change so we can go to a 7/11.

>> No.448712970

So who the fuck left all these boxes of bullets and grenade lying around the lab?

>> No.448713118

I know this is actually serious and terrible problem but the way you described it sounds way to funny. But seriously I don't know who gave the OK for it, I just saw them all getting deployed take it up with Security or the Janitors.

>> No.448713316
Quoted By: >>448713607

That's Nick from HR, said he wanted to do some "team building" exercise by having us all do a scavenger hunt. I don't know why he can't just use paper tokens and is using real weapons. Let's just hope no zombies eat the grenades. Cleaning crew spent the whole week cleaning zombie guts off the fans and grates.

>> No.448713352

Well that explains why a licker drops a bag of quarters in front of my office every week

>> No.448713462
Quoted By: >>448713796

Screw you guys, trenchcoat guy is okay and he's back at home watching football. I'm taking him out fishing next week with my buddies, and then we'll go tip some cows over. He's been rather jittery ever since he lost his fedora though.

>> No.448713538

ada i know theres a slim chance but im browsing this website to see if mayBE YOUREA HERE PLEASE CONTACT ME I THINK IF OYU KNOW ME BETTER I CAN MAKE THINGS WO

please contact me. i think if you start to know me better i think we could get along more ahaha sorry im still learning how to use a computer keyboard.captcha

>> No.448713607

Tell Nick to go fuck himself. I’m busy trying to perfect my waif- I mean female zombie serum.

>> No.448713628
Quoted By: >>448713841

no idea why there are bulk ammo laying around, i ordered thicker stronger test tubes instead of these super thin fragile ones. Does nobody understand what a centrifuge will do to thin wall glass?! I have a time table to meet to distill this new sample. Maybe i should order a gun to go with the bullets that the magical bullet fairy is sprinkling all over my office, at least i can use the grenades as paperweights to keep my papers from flying all over the place when the AC vents kick into turbo from time to time. Thank fuck this hazard suit has climate control.

>> No.448713689

G-Guys I knocked off that big guys fedora and I he's been following me ever since & I barely have time to type thiaaaawdawdwdasdsadasdwada

>> No.448713796
Quoted By: >>448714120

I keep telling you idiots that he's not a fucking pet. You're probably lucky to live this long without him strangling you or killing anyone around you. Please send him back. I will deploy an extraction team in the California region and I expect you to escort "Mr. X" to the LZ.

>> No.448713841
Quoted By: >>448714218

I thought Maintenence was working on fixing those?

>> No.448714031
File: 53KiB, 400x320, 96D07700-721C-473D-A504-1B5596EAFF07.png [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448714397

Errant thought; what would happen if we exposed those herbs that grow around the Arklay Mountains to the T-Virus?

>> No.448714120
Quoted By: >>448714634

Hey fuck you man, he's a bro not a pet. We're raiding the nearby military base for protein bars and guns, and we're gonna drive a tank to the nearby Burger King. Shit's gonna be so cash.

>> No.448714218
Quoted By: >>448714671

do we have to file paperwork to get them to do something or do we complain to a supervisor that cares? I cant be assed to do either, as long as its not leaking the gas again im fine, i was getting used to the sound of the dogs barking in the kennels.

>> No.448714397

Immortality, why havnt we tried this before?

>> No.448714634
File: 805KiB, 320x240, 1445701038726.gif [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]
Quoted By: >>448715058

Loud and clear. I hope you're ready to tango with the Grim Reaper, I sent in Hunk to "retrieve" your friend. Any form of hesitation will be seen as hostile behavior. You've been warned.

>> No.448714671
Quoted By: >>448714981

I don't actually know. I think someone did file some paperwork and Maintenance did say they would fix it maybe they've had some other issues. I think Cryogenics had some serious issue or something come up a few days ago.

>> No.448714934
Quoted By: >>448714994

I am conflicted on this, I Like that its a challenge but arent bullets to the dome literally means the death of a subject? I know they did not want the game to be piss easy but no way should dead and decaying corpse skulls be THIS fucking strong

>> No.448714981
Quoted By: >>448715160

well that would explain why the door is frozen shut. I wanted to store a sample in there and dave wasnt picking up the phone.

i liked dave.

>> No.448714994
Quoted By: >>448715108

What if they're mutated?

>> No.448715058
Quoted By: >>448715216

Dude, Grim's been with me all this time. I offered him some whiskey and agrsfpp'kbmDFSZL

>> No.448715108

they arent fucking tyrants so why are they acting as invincible tyrants? I know with bigger guns you can put them down for good but for all intents and purposes these are psuedo tyrants which make no sense

>> No.448715160
Quoted By: >>448715509

He will be missed. Unless he found a way to get out of the cold. Then he might live. Speaking of does anyone know where that prototype flamethrower went?

>> No.448715216
File: 770KiB, 960x540, 1518380494670.webm [View Same] [Google] [iqdb] [SauceNAO]

Thank you Hunk.

>> No.448715509
Quoted By: >>448716235


we have flamethrowers? I should have signed up for R&D in the weapons department. BRB, i think the dogs started barking again? that cant be right, did we get new dogs already?

>> No.448716235

There was a crappy one that they were going to throw out. I wanted to paint it red but it got thrown out before I could.